Soliloquy Of A Depressed

(Since someone asked why I’m being craven for the past weeks. I’m sorry, but this is all I can say for now.)


Darkness cover my place
As I listen to sober music
Tears roll down my face
I’m starting to get sick.

While you are getting light
Smiling, out and proud
Everything around you is right
Your laugh is heard, so loud.

You always ask me if I’m fine
Concerned, yet so blind and numb
Don’t con me by being kind
Not anymore, for I’m not dumb.

I won’t tell you why
Leave hints or show it full
I’ll stay away, perhaps a mile
And drown, deep in this sad pool.

(Written on 23rd of December 2015)


Silently Hoping

(In collaboration with one of my dearest bestfriends, Paul Andrew Mancia)

*We wrote this out of boredom and it surprised us that the rants we’ve written can be connected that’s why we combined it all to create a long poem. My dearest Paul, thank you for the time you’ve given to collaborate. I had so much fun. Hugs and kisses!


‘Twas a cold night
When tears flooded our cheeks
A painful pact has been made
That ended us broken for distance.

Now we’re torn apart,
The garden we’ve bloomed
And our shattered hearts
Has faced its doom
And turned into white and black.

Yet I still hope,
Our memories entangled
Like the roots beneath the shadows
That reaches my soul.

I thought I found freedom
By breaking what we have
But unconsciously, I bounded myself
In chains of misery and loneliness.

Now I’m alone,
Waiting for something..
I don’t know.

Remembering the things
We used to share,
But deep within myself
It is only I,
Who yearns yesterday

Looking back
Realizing how much I have lost
Made me say to myself
How stupid I was
For not fighting hard
The sake of the love
That was once ours
Is now shattered into pieces
And thrown into a place
That only us can find and fix.

But how?
How will I go
If I can’t find you first
The key is on your hand.

Will you stay and say yes?
And restart what we have ended?


(Written on the 20th of December 2015)


The Poison That Keeps Me Alive

I’m currently in my downcast period and I’m trying to swim my feeble self in this polluted ocean of my life. I’m being craven, I know. But I just can’t contain myself, mentally and emotionally.

I’m still depressed by the result of my midterms in Statistics. You know, my red blood cells lost almost one-fourth of its count just to engrave Baye’s Rule and other probability stuffs just to make it through.

I lost a bestfriend. He died on October, in my mind and heart. He decided to cut our ties for some painful, confidential reasons.

I just had a heartbreak, for I thought I did the right thing in the past. But it just turned out that I unconsciously killed myself bigtime.

It’ll definitely take me forever to enumerate all of my sorrows here. But, you know what, my dear reader, I’m thankful. The poison it gave became my spirit¬†vitamin I’m taking to continue fighting. And I’m hoping that I’ll see the light I’ve been looking for.

I’ll cut this here. I’ll write more when the time permits me to do so.



(4th of December 2015)